THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE. why does this term feels like it's only a week?

it's not that i don't want to help you, but you are getting too much with your demands. I accepted your request at first because i thought anyway it's just a simple matter. But it's frustrating when you keep adding on to your requests and worse, demand in the way like you are ordering me around. I'm sorry, i just can't take it. Don't like the way you ask for it!

ok enough of venting frustrations. School is so stressful! i'm so so worried that i can't finish my revision on time. and i've been sleeping as late as 1.30am, which is about a little less than five hours. I'm always the last to turn off the lights at home. it feels so lonely at times :(

mum asks me to go back to malaysia from next thursday night to saturday morning. should i go? so much work to do and there's dialogue in the dark. but grandparents are also important. sigh how?

saw this somewhere:

can't imagine how i'm going to live past this coming weekend.

awkwardness.

but everything will pass by quickly, at least i hope so!

scary BT2 is coming. it felt like BT1 was yesterday.

and i just remembered I'm going to watch a concert with my family on the 29th of May! then there will be dialogue in the dark before that. i just can't wait for that day. but first, i have the GP paper to pass through. AH!

William is being funny again. Miss Sin was talking about genetic engineering and said that we have the same genes as our parents so we will look like them. then William turned to tell me, " My father has six packs. Now I don't have, but never mind, I will have it next time." HAHA. luckily there's William to talk to during GP, if not I will die of boredom. and he thinks that I kept sighing, but in fact i wasn't. It's just all the phlegm that is stuck somewhere around the nose, throat and chest that i have to "heave" a big "sigh" of breath. So I wasn't sighing. :)

I just had the nicest dinner in one month. My mother is back and seriously, I miss her cooking! my brother even complained to her that I only cooked for about 7 days then I stopped. ok yes i admit to that but cooking was so tiring that I really gave up the notion of cooking everyday. My father also couldn't take it. So..... I'm super happy that Mummy is back! and she even bought us things. :):)

I'm also glad that things are clearer now and I can't believe that I actually said it. Because if it's in the past, i think I will just choose to conceal everything.

Things will get better :)

i really hate the weather.

went to support Estella, but it rained. so we didn't get to see her play.

but look at the broccoli we got her. couldn't find any flowers so we just bought the broccoli that somehow looked like a bouquet of flowers.

CT netballers :)

some things are too good to be true. i think this is a wake-up call for me to stop deceiving myself and to trust that everything is just a mere misunderstanding. somehow the word "mere" contradicts what i'm feeling right now. but whatever, i really don't want to think so much about it. the more i think of it, the more sucky i feel. the weather seems to match my mood today. so rainy and gloomy.

but should i find out the truth? i guess sometimes it's better to not know it at all right? i don't want to make everything so complicated because it might just be my problem. don't want to cause an embroilment just for the sake of my wrong perceptions and selfishness. it's better to get it over myself. luckily i've not sunk so deeply into it, if not it will be so difficult and painful to pull myself out of this confusion. sigh, it takes tons of courage and determination to do so.

courage doesn't have to mean fearless :)

Timothy is so funny. i was so frustrated over maths today and so i wanted to ask him for answers. i was like "hey friend...." and before i could finish my sentence, he went "FRIEND???!", then pretended to fall onto the ground like he was super dejected. i couldn't stop laughing about it for about 10 minutes! he himself couldn't understand why he did that and so did i. ok i'm sorry, "KING!"

then there's William. He looked at my AQ while i was in the toilet. when i went back to class he told me, "hey actually your language is quite strong!" for a moment, i felt so brightened up. he pointed out the stuff i wrote like "spider's web of special interest groups that manipulate political.........blah blah blah". i was quite confused at first because i couldn't remember myself writing anything about spider webs. then..........the truth came to light. the sentence that he pointed out was actually an argument i selected from the passage. HAHA! how profound could i get.

lastly, there is Mr Eng. to show how far or long the line on the graph can extend to, he claimed that, "it can be extended so much that it is out of the class." and then the next thing he did was, he walked out of the class! the whole class totally burst into laughter.

fortunately, there are these people around to make the day less dreary and forlorn. and i met so many people today. Secondary school teammates and coach! the moment i saw miss choo, i was like "i miss her a lot!", although she was fierce and shouted at us when we made mistakes during court work.

but best of all, there's Lynn :) and actually Hansen too.

thanks for hearing me out! and Estella's arms are so nice to hug!

love you guys! :)

so yeah, shall not mull over it.

back to work :)

i was doing my GP summary five minutes ago then my brother came in. guess what, he posed a challenge at me. Chinese some more. He said a very profound and logical phrase and asked me to state a phrase that can counter it. obviously i can't so i asked him to give me a clue. then we ended up playing charades! LOL.

this brother is getting more arrogant nowadays. keep showing off his chinese in front of me and even commented that my four years of higher chinese had been a waste.

but then luckily my chinese teacher from secondary school made a justification. she told my brother that, "你的文笔没有比你姐姐好。” muahahahaha. i was so excited about it and i kept laughing about it. but wait, it's not the end. “可是你姐姐没有比你用功。”

my teacher is so cheeky! like lifting me up to the skies then pull me down again.

i kind of miss chinese.

alright, end of post. back to summary.

maybe because it's lesser, that's why it's easier to be forgotten.

the constant that you thought wouldn't change, has unfortunately changed.

i'm so disappointed and heartbroken that it has.

perhaps it's not your fault entirely, or rather we all have a part to play.

we just can't let go of the fact that how some things have turned out and the stupid pride just keeps getting in our way.

and things weren't supposed to turn out this way.

i guess this is another big big reason.

maybe right from the start, we already have different objectives.

things are so awkward now and they were never the same as before.

i hope this time you are really choosing options that don't disappoint yourself,

although we are feeling bitter about it.

forgive us for that.

nevertheless, i'm still glad.

because it happened.

and we've worked quite a bit together.

thanks for making everything so enjoyable.

you've made everything less painful when the journey was so arduous and irritating.

i'm glad i met you.

i guess all these only happen once.

and they are really precious.

life has been stressful but happy at the same time. because my class got second in the 10 x 200m relay. stressful because the amount of work increase sharply. i can even plot the statistics on the graph and there will be an obvious sharp and sudden rise. everyday is frustrating and the weather seriously has a big role to play. and now as i am blogging, it's raining. sigh, i can't make sense in what i am typing now.

but good news are always good to share. we came in second although we didn't train for it. and the other classes did. we even got the fastest timing among 35 groups during the heats by 6 seconds. coooooooooool. yay!

we ran!

lynn was great.

sometimes when you are at a loss for words, photos and pictures come in handy. just like now.

it was two weeks after my actual birthday. but my classmates are super nice. thank you!

they got lynn a cake too. sometimes, maybe all it takes is just a cake to comfort our heartbroken souls.

but i'm so jealous! her cake is so much bigger than mine.

pretending it was her birthday.

i guess i'm less affected by things now. come to think of it, everything is a blessing in disguise.

it's just a learning process that I have to go through and I really learn a lot. Being a main player all along, and when this thing happens, it's really kind of depressing. it sucks. some more, all you get are two words, "TOO BAD". it felt like you spent your efforts and time for just these two words. so not worth it.

But maybe God wants to put me through this to become a stronger person. the reality is so harsh. but again, the sadness is so inevitable. for a moment, it felt like i broke up with my boyfriend. i still remembered that i was so excited for every training when i was still a sec 1 kid but as the years go by, i started to get "sian" about it because trainings get tougher. especially when we have to run 2.4km every training. and i think i was mean to say that we'll run an extra round for every minute somebody is late by. i even quarreled with a teacher. but everything is so memorable and time flies. part of the reason why i'm mulling over this is because it has been a passion for so many years and it's just so unforgettable especially during secondary school times. life goes on, and i have to move on.

It will be a better day tomorrow :)